[Brain Rants] Pangs of Nostalgia
Time really seem to fly especially when you're getting older, it has been a year since I've matriculated and now, no longer a freshman. It is almost like a world-wide conspiracy in robbing my youth away from me. And before you know it, Christmas will be just around the corner.
Tracking just a little bit back on time, particularly on my sudden social withdrawals. I was someone, perhaps recognized across the board (or at least, within my class) as a eccentric person, but those were the days before I turned 18.
I cannot pinpoint exactly how depression and some other health concerns struck me, but it was a prolonged year of despondency. Like, I've lost something, there's a big hole in me and I was constantly struggling to fill that void (more precisely something I thought I'd "lost", but probably not since I may not had once held procession of "it"). I probably done it right, for the fact that I seem to be a happier individual now, most of my time last year was expended on some "philosophical" thoughts, possibly on some innovative ways to render soulfulness, meaning and value to life. But anyway, that's history.
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| Just like any other girl, I too enjoy taking selfies. Complete with filters. |
Someone shared this BGM of Maplestory- Lith Harbor with me, and I was instantaneously sent into this fuzzy mental state, maybe like that of deja vu or time travel (if I had imagined it to be like), followed by a series of goofy grins (thankfully I was alone). Oh, could life be so frivolous again. In the meantime, I suggest this as music therapy to anyone who share a bit of the some
Sometimes when I do deeper reflections, (not exactly sure if that contributes to my depressive mood but I can't help it) I'll mentally go through the list of people I've met in this year and something I like about them. I like how intelligent he is; Oh, man so decisive; I really wish I also have his humour. At other times, I really do hope that I can muster enough courage to tell acquaintances, people like my workmates, project mates etc, on what I admire about them. But most of the times, I shrug it off, because maybe, I too won't like people being so judgmental about everyone they see, or in other words, judge me back. We used to do this on a frequent basis back in school and it has been a while since the last time. But on new acquaintances, hardly. I will try to do so, at least for more people, because I really want to. Maybe I might consider turning to alcohol when I need more courage, that's how some greatest works are done by people not thinking too much.
Through the people I've met, role models or not, I've learnt. Many offered valuable advises on career options and maybe life in general. And these 2 years might be the steepest learning curve in my life. I nodded along as I listened, but don't expect me to put myself in others' shoes all the time. Some not in entire agreement but at least in some degree of understanding and empathy.
The idea of finding the right goal in life early isn't new, teachers back in primary school had been rushing kids to do so, but my responses back then seem to be ever changing, I simply just wanted everything. Being an entrepreneur sounds cool, oh wait, you mean I can also be a sales manager? It takes time and a certain level of maturity to figure out what you want to do in life, for some people it may well be the whole of their 20s, but don't take longer than that, because then, you might not have enough time left to pursue your goals.
Ooh, what just happened. I've just sent you into some inner world of mine, can you relate? HAHAA
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